Knee High To A Grasshopper – My early years

“You kids get up, it’s time to feed the cattle.”

Growing up on the edge of the Sandhills in Nebraska among cowboy boots and hooves, my mother’s voice was the same every morning.

Crawling out of bed, I always thought my mother didn’t understand me. Now I see I didn’t understand her.

And then I realized it wasn’t about her…I didn’t understand myself.

I have always been the dutiful daughter. Doing what my parents expected and what I have come to realize is, I lost myself in their practical and limited beliefs of what I could obtain. Like all parents, they did their best.

I grew up in an era where you got good grades, took the ACT, then met with your high school guidance counselor…who then dumped his limiting beliefs on you and pushed you into a college he only hoped you could handle.

Then it was up to you to dig in your heels and make it happen. You graduated, got married, obtained your own cattle, had your own kids, and did your best not to screw them up.

Only I didn’t do things in that order. Far from it. I failed a lot. The narrative that played over and over in my head every time I failed at something from a spelling test to missing a volleyball hit was,

“Why can’t you be more like your brothers?”

They were better athletes and deemed smarter. Pffffft. This narrative played in a loop over and over in my head. It surfaced after every parent teacher meeting. Because I heard it after every parent teach meeting. I heard it from my parents, teachers, other parents. Shame on all of them.

This narrative shaped my life for a long time. What I came to realize 25 years later was I had a vagina, and I was never going to fit that mold. Yeah, it only took 25 years. :)

To this day every time that narrative surfaces the little girl on my shoulder screams into the void with an enraged raised fist,

“Because I HAVE A VAGINA!” and she stomps off to be misunderstood by all.

This blog is a journey of self-discovery. It’s like the Wizard of Oz, and in the end, I find out what I needed I had on me all along. And it was shaped in a good way by my childhood.

~ The Big Hat No Cattle blog is how an Artist started with nothing, dug in her heels, and painted her dreams. ~ Please share, like, and hit that subscribe button so you don't miss a post.